I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I deserve this hangover.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
