Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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