Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
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Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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