My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
