yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
