I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
