I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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