i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
