I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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