No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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