You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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