Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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