your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
