when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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