Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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