He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
BRING THE BAGELS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
