what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
