This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
