Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I skipped work to stalk him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
