took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
