What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
