We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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