I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i would punch a child for taco bell
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
