She's JV to your varsity
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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