I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I won't apologize to a one balled man
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
