Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
