and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
