was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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