she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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