I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just had sex bonerless
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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