My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
