Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
