Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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