i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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