why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
