in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
