Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
