Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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