I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
