Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
