Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
love makes seman taste better
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize