We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
