Jerry, you need to find god
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
