I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
