I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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