I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
