so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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