Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
