my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
