Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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