i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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