if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
