You made me cry and you don't even care
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
