new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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