margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i need some magic done to my vagina
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