The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
