Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
