i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
