I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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