Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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