Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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