those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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